Why we judge people on appearance | Rebecca Jane

Let me tell you a blatant fact, we judge people on their appearance!

The question is, where does that come from and at what point does a personality make a person attractive?

We’re all cave people at heart - we were designed to trust people based on looks.

In more primal times, all you had was the appearance and gut instinct to understand if someone was about to be a new companion, or eat you for lunch! Ultimately, that judgement may come.

From a primal place deep under the surface that is designed to keep you safe and alive.

Prejudice and memories cloud the judgement - we all have a name of a person we don’t like.

We’re human, we judge people based on past interactions.

When you were three years old, if Judy upset you in the playground day after day, chances are as an adult, you’re still going to make a subconscious judgement about people called Judy forever more!

It’s the same for people who look a certain way. I hear many a person talk about their dislike for people with a certain hair colour, eye colour, height or general appearance.

The judgement may come from someone scarred in childhood by a traumatic incident by a person that possessed those physical traits.

Trauma has a strange way of being blocked from memory, unless triggered.

You may not even remember the trauma, let alone the physical features of the person who inflicted the trauma upon you.

Offering a very deep, but sad explanation for why you may dislike and make snap judgements about women with short curly platinum coloured hair!

Should we judge a book by the cover?

Does a personality mould around our physical presence or our physical appearance mould to the personality - a person who laughs a lot may show more laughter lines, their face may move more freely than someone who is uptight and finds it difficult to laugh.

That is a proven and scientific fact.

Listen, I am fully aware I will be judged forever more. That is never going to be a great feeling.

What I can tell you though is that an even worse feeling would be looking in the mirror and judging myself. Being unhappy with the reflection staring back at me, dull’ing my personality and crazy hair choices down to comply with a vision that people expect me to be.

I advise everyone I meet in life to live by one motto, do what makes YOU happy. It’s simple, but effective.

The only person who has to be happy with what they see in a mirror, physically and mentally - is you.

As always, I look for acceptance to help me through those feelings.

I accept my crazy choices will come with judgement, and I also accept that judgement may be coming from a deeper place within the person.

We never truly know what someone is going through, and we never truly know what they have BEEN through.

Their judgement of me could be coming from a traumatic, hurtful place and their judgement may be a primal need to keep them safe.

I may not be the most secure person in the world in my appearance, but I couldn’t be more confident in my personality.

I’m more than accepting for people to judge my appearance, they will change their view when they know and understand my values at heart - and THAT is the most important human substance of all.