Grieving mum of teenager Alyssa Morris who took her own life at the age of 13 speaks movingly about her 'funny, beautiful and clever' girl

Over the last week, press interest in Alyssa’s story grew, but her mother, Kathleen was keen to turn Alyssa’s memory into something more positive than the story that could be told. The day before Alyssa’s inquest, I sat with Kathleen, to address what she wanted to say.

Over the last few months, I have been frequently asked, ‘How is Alyssa’s mother and father?’ Let’s face it, they are living a life very few could imagine, and every parent's worst nightmare.

Before I hand this article over, let me tell you what I know of Kathleen. She is incredibly honest, real, and frankly, I think she is the strongest person I have ever met. I believe Kathleen has the power to change many lives, if they just hear her voice. There are so many lessons to learn from Alyssa’s death. Please read this article with an open mind and an open heart. People like Kathleen, and young people like Alyssa who are struggling, have all the answers to solve mental health for generations to come. We just need to listen to them.

For those reasons, this article is entirely unedited. We appreciate this may be difficult to read, and if you need it, please reach out for help. We have provided information on support services at the bottom of the page.

Let me hand over to Kathleen. One mother’s story, who lost her 13 year old daughter to suicide. The bravest lady I know.

‘My name is Kathleen, I’m 36 and I live in Cltiheroe. I am mother to four children, three girls and one boy. In February my 13 year old daughter Alyssa Morris took her own life.

When people search Alyssa’s name, I don’t want her to be known as the girl that took her life in Brungerley Park in Clitheroe. I want people to know my Alyssa, the girl who always had a smile on her face.

Alyssa was 13, she was funny, beautiful, very clever, she was more than my words will ever express. Musicals were her favourite thing, she would watch Hamilton on repeat through lockdown. She loved drawing, she was always doing something creative. Now Alyssa is no

longer with us, I want people to take some positives from my very beautiful girl... the first thing is how people need to be kind. Those words are easy to say, and people champion the phrases and trends, but they don’t follow it.

The harsh reality of life today for young people is that we all talk of being kind, but that just isn’t true. I believe that one nice comment to Alyssa on the day she died could have stopped her from taking her life.

The passing of Caroline Flack broke my heart and it really touched me. Just under three years to the day and I was saying goodbye to my little girl. The movement of ‘be kind’ was everywhere, but it just went away and all was forgotten. Everybody needs to take accountability for what they say and what is being said around them. If you’re a teacher, a professional or anyone, you need to speak up and support those around

you.

People ask me all the time,’What needs to be done?’ They think because my daughter has taken her life, I should have all the answers. I don’t. The main thing I believe needs to happen is that people truly do need to ‘be kind’, and not just say the words, actually bring them to life.

Before Alyssa started high school there was no sign of her mental struggles. That changed quickly when she entered year seven. Slowly but surely, bullies and covid restrictions took my daughter’s soul away and impacted her mental health. Alyssa kept the severity of the bullying to herself for a short time, I knew she wanted to spare me from the pain and hurt she was experiencing. Being her mother, I knew everything wasn’t ok and I felt completely helpless just watching my daughter fade away, but as ever, she was looking out for those around her, before herself.

The gravity of her bullying unravelled at the beginning of year eight, when my eldest let us know how bad it was becoming. False rumours circulated around school with misinterpreted videos. Thanks to phones and social media it didn’t just consume her school life, it intruded into her home life too.

We reached out to children’s mental health services, and apparently Alyssa didn’t meet their criteria for needing help. I don’t remember being told that, but I’ve now read it in the bundle of evidence for her inquest.

We took the problem to the school. They said they ‘dealt with the situation as best they could’, but because it was on social media, they couldn’t do anything more and signposted me elsewhere.

When the school put the bullies on report, matters only got worse for Alyssa. Alyssa was hounded by those girls, and more girls got involved. I don’t believe the bullies were punished enough, which is why the bullying still continued. A punishment is supposed to make people stop their behaviour, and reflect on it. They must understand the repercussions of their actions, and learn from their mistakes. That didn’t happen

in this case. After that moment, I didn’t feel the school could keep Alyssa safe, which is why I removed her from the school.

Before high school Alyssa had mountains of ambition, she knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life, animals were her passion. It was her goal to work with the RSPCA and rescue animals. I saw that drive and passion fade away within three months of her starting high school,

and as any mother would, I wanted to bring that spark back.

The bullies sapped her soul. Our girl, who was incredibly passionate about food, sushi, squid, everything exotic, could no longer make a decision about what she wanted to eat anymore. Even the most basic decisions appeared to be a struggle for Alyssa.

Alyssa started high school in September 2020, during the time of covid. Most adults know, the form groups you’re put in at high school are not always the people you naturally connect with. When you go for breaks and lunch, you make more friends that are more your natural

group of people. The ‘bubble’ groups that high school’s used during 2020 meant that Alyssa was put with groups of people that weren’t her natural friends. It certainly played a part in the struggle she had in high school and the resulting bullying.

When I took Alyssa out of her first high school, I started to notice more social anxiety and she was struggling with social cues. As a result of that, when she started a new school the bullying of Alyssa continued. Eight months before her death, she asked me ‘Why am I

always a target for bullying Mum?’.

I reached out to the school for support, it was heartbreaking, because it felt like it was all happening again. Thankfully, the school dealt with it all incredibly well and I can’t fault them for it. Alyssa was incredibly well liked by the pupils at that school, and she valued their friendships.

The main thing I truly appreciated with the school’s handling of the bullying was them pulling the parents of the bullies in, and things seemed to calm down.

The bullies from her previous school didn’t let Alyssa go when she left the school. Messages still continued through social media. Worried sick, I went through her phone at night and I would see the things they would send. They would torment her and threaten her constantly, that they knew people in Alyssa’s new school, who would inflict physical violence upon her. I would block the bullies, but they would just find new ways to get through to her.

In July 2022, Alyssa was sitting at the bus stop and some girls came and sat next to her. They would bump and push into her, but Alyssa wouldn’t react. She kept her headphones in and looked down at the ground. They then began to assault her, with an attack that is too graphic to mention here. They humiliated and taunted her for over half an hour. Their attack continued until the bus arrived. That was the day I knew I had to homeschool my daughter, just to keep her safe.

We went to the police and when we reported to the front desk, we were asked to sit outside. We sat for over 45 minutes, waiting for an officer to come down. They knew we were waiting, but they never came. It was only when I got home that they phoned me over half an hour later, and

said they would visit us to get a statement. I phoned a week later to follow up, they said someone would ring me back. They never did.

I had to turn detective myself. I phoned the bus company and went up and down the street to get CCTV, but I got nowhere. I didn’t want Alyssa to be made a laughing stock, and I knew the bullies were getting away with what they had done.

We tried various avenues to get Alyssa help with her mental health through professional services, but by then she didn’t want to engage. Repeatedly, telling us she was ‘fine’ and in a ‘better place’.

One of my other children was in a school that we absolutely loved. It was incredibly inclusive and many of the teachers had similar personalities to Alyssa, we knew she would fit in and were excited to try and get her a place. In September 2022 Alyssa began in year year nine, from the first week she appeared to be thriving. Our passionate, enthusiastic and loving girl felt like she was coming back. She went straight to top sets, she was eager to learn and enthusiastic. Her social anxiety was addressed and the teachers saw exactly what I saw, they put referrals in and it

really felt like we were getting back on track.

This is why none of Alyssa’s death makes sense. No bullying was picked up after September, 2022. Every day I told her how proud I was of her, because I was. Alyssa overcame so much. For the last two years of Alyssa’s life it took so much out of her, I just believe it was too difficult for her to overcome. Alyssa learnt so well how to hide her pain, did she become the master and that’s why none of us saw her death coming?

Social media has helped young people trivialise death. You’re not allowed to say ‘suicide’ on platforms now. Young people say ‘unalive’, but my daughter is not ‘unalive’, she is dead. The social platforms probably thought they were doing a good thing by banning the word ‘suicide’

but as we all know, young people will find a way around everything. The word ‘unalive’ is what they found, and it is so simplistic, the word just doesn’t carry the gravity behind taking your life and death. In my opinion, social media platforms have enabled young people to trivialise

suicide.

That trivialisation has happened by young people making videos and fun of death online. Why have we trivialised the process of death? I really believe the videos and content that Alyssa saw before she died failed to make her understand the severity of her actions, did she really

understand the repercussions of what she was doing? Did she believe her family would just sit around and cry for a bit, and then we would move on. Did she really realise the impact of taking her life? That we will forever more miss her, love her and wish she was still with us? I know I will never be able to truly move on from Alyssa’s death.

We know Alyssa intended to take her life. The evidence has been clear, but we don’t need to address that here. We will never really have the answer as to ‘why’ she did it. I would understand what happened if Alyssa had been depressed for weeks, or even days, but she just wasn’t.

In the final few days, she was a little quiet, but there was nothing unusual about how she was acting. I checked her phone and again, nothing sprung out that she was struggling.

Alyssa’s death isn’t an isolated incident, it’s far from isolated. This is happening all around us. Kids are consumed by phones and social media. They need to put their phones down and play out. I am asked every day now, ‘What can parents do?’ I don’t have magic answers, but what I

can tell you that I do know is I get my kids out of the house more, and certainly off their technology devices. We value time together as a family and we certainly don’t take it for granted.

My story can happen to anyone. If someone told me a year ago that today I would be sitting here, the day before the inquest into my daughter’s death, I would never believe it. This sort of thing doesn’t happen to me. It only happens to people you read about. Alyssa’s death was never

a ‘worst case scenario’ in my mind, it wasn’t even a thought that would cross my mind. The worst thing that could have possibly happened is that Alyssa may have needed professional help, but not her death. I guess the message here is, it really can happen to anyone.

Other children, and people who are considering taking their life, need to seriously think about the repercussion on every single person around them. This doesn’t just affect mum and dad. It affects all her family and friends, the paramedics, who worked on Alyssa for over an hour, they

cried when they couldn’t revive her. The police, teachers, the ladies that found her, and everybody that walks past her memorial at Brungerley.

Alyssa’s last words to me, when I was on my way out to work, were: ‘Love you bestie.’

I am asked all the time ‘why’ did Alyssa take her life, and like I keep saying, it doesn’t really make sense, but if I have to give an answer it’s a combination of three things: bullying, social media and covid. They created a perfect storm of circumstances that my little girl just couldn’t

overcome.’

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If you, or someone you know is struggling with your mental health, please reach out for help.

Support can be found:

Your local GP: If you would like a referral for counselling services, or medication.

Young Minds: For parents needing support, and for young people to access support:

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/

Samaritans: For telephone support if you’re struggling, 24 hours a day. Call, 116 123 or email

[email protected]

SHOUT: A text message service for crisis support. Text: 85258

Lancashire and South Cumbria Crisis service: If you, or someone you know is in a mental health

crisis and at imminent risk of taking their life. 0800 9530110