I'm off to get drunk in public after midnight
I've never been one to like being told what to do - it started as a child with the bolognese bit in spaghetti and hours spent sulking at the table until the plate developed a coating of mould.
This trait, though mildly less obvious through maturity, still applies.
I like to forge my own path.
So being told what I can’t do is practically fuel on the fires of my fury - particularly if I’m told I’m too old.
Of course, one develops habits when one gets older than say, 25, like preferring a nice seat in a bar, drinking G&T rather than alcopops and using ‘one’ in a sentence.
But I threw my reservations to the wind this weekend when I attended my first music festival for a very long time (Beat-Herder) - my preferences being for brick-built establishments with a five-star en-suite.
But thank goodness I am actually considered young enough to go to a festival because according to a new poll published online 45 is the upper limit for attending.
Frankly if I WAS that old I’d just stay meekly at home, obviously. Grrr.
However I AM too old for many other activities, according to our friends at RetireSavvy.com. For example, I am told I could only get drunk in public before 38 and my deadline for having a favourite boyband was also 38. Sorry, One Direction.
By now I should have stopped watching reality television, apparently, or using text talk (my favourite).
I cannot now get a tattoo or drive like a boy racer.
Long hair is not on the list but I suspect I may need the scissors fairly soon if the age-police knock down my door.
Scandalously, 43 is cited as the upper limit for wearing leggings - an item which garners hatred from many - but they can rip out of my cold, dead, hands.
I will not be emptying my drawers of the comfiest item on earthwhen a birthday strikes, unless it’s at gunpoint and maybe not even then.
Just in case you are reading this and over theage of 52, please note that is the upper age limit for staying up after midnight and don’t wear trainers after 49. That’s you told.
Meanwhile I’m off to eat my spaghetti, sans bol.
Full list of age limits:
Drive like a boy racer – 33
Take loads of selfies – 34
Having a favourite boy band – 36
Using text talk – 36
Get a tattoo – 38
Have a belly button piercing – 38
Get drunk in public – 38
Listening to Radio One – 39
Wear a mini skirt – 39
Go on a lads / girls holiday – 40
Visit Ibiza – 40
Watching reality television – 41
Use so many hair products – 41
Wearing a football shirt – 42
Wear leggings – 43
Buy the latest gadgets and gizmos – 43
Go to a nightclub – 44
Go to a festival – 45
Wearing a bikini on holiday – 46
Go to Twitter – 47
Wear skinny jeans – 47
Have a Facebook profile – 49
Wear trainers – 49
Stay out past midnight – 52