Do you live in Pretentious Claptrap Boulevard?

The news we need to build a gazillion houses a week between now and the end of time fills me with dread.

I am sure we will be left with some green space by the time all these houses have been thrust upon us.

But apart from that, I worry quite deeply about what ridiculous names these developments will come up with when deciding on the street names.

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There is a clue in my concern in the term “street name” ... when did you last see a new development actually use the word street in any of its names?

This all came to light at the weekend when talking with friends about a potential move to a lovely house, built on a street with a name that sounds more like it belongs in Narnia or The Shire than it does in Barrowford.

That also made me think back to the day when a friend told me a street was to be named after his father. The street has the word mews in its name but there is not a stable or carriage house in sight.

I then started to wonder about the names of the streets I have lived on. They have been, variously and in no particular order, five streets, one bridge, one gate, one court, one drive and one view.

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The view offered a view of a row of cottages 50 yards away, the drive led nowhere and the gate didn’t have one.

The bridge was aptly named for the one at the bottom of the street, the court was just about understandable and the lane was on what could only ever be described as a country lane.

I had another conversation during which it was explained to me that the use of avenue, close, drive, way, close, grove and even the inclusion of the word “The” in the street name makes them sound “posh”.

But to my way of thinking, if the house in itself is not good enough to make you think it is “posh”, the street name is not likely to make much difference.

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So good luck to you Mr, Mrs and Junior W on your new life in Prententious Claptrap Boulevard.

It is not your fault the street has a silly name lost in the Yorkshire Dales of the 17th Century, but I am sure you will all have a lovely time together there!