The bigger the better: £575k Burnley mansion with three reception rooms and five bedrooms

There's an episode of the Simpsons where then-real estate agent Lionel Hutz explains to Marge that a house she sees as small is "cosy", a dilapidated house is "rustic", and a house which is on fire has a "motivated seller!" It's a scene which has spun a thousand memes and the concept behind it is simple: realtors are comedically optimistic. But, in the case of this Burnley mansion, they need not wheel out the rose-tinted hyperbole; this thing speaks for itself.

On the market for offers above a cool £575,000, Broadlands is a vast detached property which has three different receptions rooms - one of which is a bungalow-sized conservatory - five bedrooms which would comfortably cater for a Clegane or two, and a garden which, frankly, has a palm tree. A PALM TREE. IN LANCASHIRE. It's great.

Originally built in 1999, the house has the relaxed sense of space of a Victorian country mansion. It's all massive square rooms and delightful ornate features such as the kind of fireplaces which - in most others rooms in most other homes - would be the USP of the entire space but which in this house look like gorgeously nice afterthoughts. "A fireplace, you say? Yes. In every room."

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Accessed via a gated driveway, Broadlands' entrance hall has a vaulted ceiling while the first living room has a ceiling rose and a gas flame fire with a marble hearth and a decorative mantle. And then, just to polish off the fancy quota for the ground floor, the second living room (yup) has a gas-flame inset fire with stone hearth. Need I say more.

Well, I need, because the word count isn't quite there yet.

The aforementioned conservatory - resplendent with a ceiling fan above and tiled flooring below - has access to the home's extensive gardens through the double-glazed French doors, while amble through to the kitchen and on top of the wood panels, marble effect laminate worktops, and fitted wine rack, you'll find a centre island with a breakfast bar.

Upstairs we go, and the main feature is the very, very excellent master bedroom. Already large, it also has a balcony decked with iron railings allowing you to sleepily survey your lawn, decking, flower beds, and paved patio area. Further into the room itself, you'll find the mother of all en suites: his-and-hers wash basins, corner shower cubicle with an electric shower and jets, sunken Jacuzzi bath, spotlights, built in surround sound...

Mr Hutz needs no fork-tongued words when it comes to this place.