An Instagrammer's dream: Effortlessly cool, seven-bedroom bohemian Clitheroe mansion for sale for £475,000

There's a sliding scale of unique. Every house is unique, but some are more unique than others. And some people look for that extra element of uniqueness. Well, given the existence of a certain seven-bedroom home in Grindleton with an annex larger than most bungalows, to those people, I say look no further...
The genuinely excellent Grindleton Towers (my moniker)The genuinely excellent Grindleton Towers (my moniker)
The genuinely excellent Grindleton Towers (my moniker)

On the market for £475,000, this property from the more emphatically unique end of the Unique Spectrum carries with it a wonderful air of a holiday to Southern Spain. All pale yellow walls and ivy-covered exteriors, you can practically smell the sea salt and aftersun from here, although you can't, because it's actually in the Forest of Bowland and the sea is about 21 miles away.

From the outside, the home looks like it boasts a tower, which is always a positive when it comes to property: you never know when you're going to need to see far and wide, after all. With a circular window rounding out (see what I did there?) the whole look, Grindleton Towers - a non-official title - is a genuinely cool home to look at. Make the neighbours jealous and all that jazz.

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Inside, the decor is just really cool. It's inarguable - the wallpaper looks like something a Notting Hill-based social media influencer would Instagram with #retro, and the rooms are large enough to stage a Millennial house party of almost any volume. Stone ceilings in various others rooms are also quaintly unexpected, but also bizarrely charming. This home genuinely belongs in South Kensington where it would sell for at least £3bn to the pansexual owners of a new bitcoin-based brunch start-up.

With a kitchen big enough for an entire dining table (complete with jostling elbow room) and an always-excellent wood burner, there's no shortage of space in any of the nooks and crannies of this property - a point illustrated very aptly and more than a little unanticipatedly by the fact that there's a boxer's punchbag in the converted attic bedroom. There's also a hammock, which is awesome.

The master bedroom has faux mezzanine above the bed, the doors look like they have been hand-carved, and the second dining room - tiled in the style of the French Riviera ooh la la - looks like something out of Patrick Melrose. If you don't want this home, you're at least 74% not bohemian enough. Again, to reiterate: this is a really cool house.

With as many bedrooms as the Labour party has had full-time leaders since 1983, Grindleton Towers has an impressive number of places in which to curl up and doze in what I'm now imagining to be the permanently good weather and year-round sun this clearly-should-be-based-in-Catalonia property enjoys. Genuinely, imagine the things you could do with all those rooms. It'd be like in primary school when you got to design your own house and included a room full of bouncy balls because you knew what was up.

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And with a lovely balcony offering light-drenched visages of Pendle Hill, stick your sunnies on and get out and enjoy the weather, you cool person, you.