LETTER: Pound shop rage

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‘Twere’t buckets on’t pavement just round from t’ bus

Waiting to trip me outside pound shop plus

I picked mesself up and walked off in a huff

I’m up to me eyeballs with that sort of stuff

Down ont’t high street another small beggar

Waited to get me outside pound shop mega

I crossed o’er’t road towards’t ninety nine p store

Just down a bit from’t pound bakery’s door

I’m more of a dog type mesself so I went

To wait in the queue for that nice pound dog gent

At super pound summat I walked by the store

And guess what - some buckets fell down ont’t floor

It wasn’t me honest, I said when he came

He just had to find some poor devil to blame

T’ wind blew‘em over, they should be inside

That said, I thought I’d find somewhere to hide

They were opening another when I walked round again

No, where’s me glasses, let’s have a right sken

It’s a mobile phone shop, their turn this week

We all need ‘em don’t we, we all need to speak

On buses and trains and - hang on a minute

This ‘ere’s about pound shops not mobile phones, innit?

If we have to have’em and it looks like we do

I’ll tell you right now I’m not joining’t queue

I miss my old pals, Woolies, TJ’s and co

It’s just such a pity they all had to go

So you lot at’ council, enough is enough

We all have enough plastic buckets and stuff

“An Old Duffer”