MR PENDLE: Osama Bin Laden conspiracy theorists are a sandwich short of a picnic

Where is the photographic proof of his killing, they say.

Why the hasty funeral, they wonder.

He’s still alive and living in country X, Y or Z, some claim.

And - perhaps the most bizarre of them all - they say the Americans actually killed Bin Laden in 2002 and have kept his body on ice until now.

The theorists, of course, will always be with us.

There are those who said Hitler did not die in his bunker in Berlin in 1945 but fled to South American along with Eichmann, Mengele, Bormann and other less prominent Nazis.

There are those who insist Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone in the murder of President Kennedy in 1963, and his subsequent killing by Jack Ruby was all part of an elaborate plan to stop the truth from coming out.

And then there are those who say Princess Diana did not die in an accident in Paris in 1997 but was killed by British intelligence sources on the orders of Prince Philip to prevent her marrying the Muslim Dodi Fayed.

And now we have the same thing happening here.

People who refuse to accept what they are being told - by their President, remember, a man who would forever be ridiculed around the world for eternity if it turned out he was not telling the truth - and come up with all kinds of theories without a scrap of concrete proof to back them up.

Mr Pendle has always regarded conspiracy theorists as being a few sandwiches short of a picnic - and until Osama Bin Laden turns up alive, his opinion on this latest group will remain the same.

WITH more than a year to go to the Olympic Games in London, the deadline for applications for tickets has passed - and it was one throwaway statistic that stood out as far as Mr Pendle is concerned.

Of the 6.6 million tickets that are on offer, half are apparently being reserved for corporate and VIP guests - that’s the equivalent of the combined populations of Birmingham, Manchester, Liverpool, Leeds, Sheffield and Bristol being handed freebies for whatever reason.

How many of these recipients will watch the fencing and weightlifting - and how many will watch the men’s 100 metres final and the swimming from the posh seats?

Pass the sick bag, please.