I’ve had enough of candles this Christmas!

He’d probably manage to harness Storm Desmond in some way and zoom through the night skies to those eagerly awaiting children, unimpressed by the flickering of a candle or the swooshing of a torch.

In fact, I think he would probably go on strike, along with his pal La Befana, the witchy giver of presents. In Italy, the children write sweet letters to Babbo Natale in the hope of receiving wonderful gifts rather than the less welcome gift of Carbone (black sugar) for the naughty kids.

I’d like to suggest that should they be the unlucky recipients of Storm Desdemona, in future they should write a letter thus to the red-clad one:

Dear Babbo,

Please can you ensure my parents have bought in an adequate supply of candles and matches, so that when I’m in the middle of watching my favourite programme I don’t have to suffer the indignity of a blackout to go with the deprivation of watching the programme.

Could you also supply mother with the wherewithal to avoid stumbling over the cat every three minutes and managing to set my homework on fire with the candle.

Oh, and while you re about it, could you pop a wodge of hotty wotty botties in my stocking; a dinghy (just in case) and a pack of AA batteries for the torch.

Forget the X Box this year or the latest Pandora jewels.

I want the basics – light, heat and a smidgeon of dry to boot.

Love Maria x

Then it can only be hoped Babbo Natale is able to use his superpowers to utilise the energy off Storm Desdemona to zip around and sort it out.

A final Christmas present could be for the parents to move onto higher ground and be done with it!

Perhaps a hill top dwelling?

Perhaps even emigration.

And let’s not forget those thermals. When you’re cold, wet and longing for a brew, style matters not a jot!

Buon Natale!