Book review: Chin Up Britain by Jenny Eclair

As austerity Britain hits home, comfort and advice is on hand from an unexpected source...a grumpy old woman!

Jenny Eclair, stand-up comedian and co-founder of the Grumpy Old Women brand, has come up with everything you’ll need to survive the cutbacks, from growing cress on a flannel and making your own Botox out of weedkiller to selling the kids on eBay.

Yes, it’s time to pull ourselves and our nation together, get up off our knees and start restoring some common sense to society.

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Part manifesto, part guide book and part call to arms, Chin Up Britain is a rib-tickling tonic in troubled times.

With help from Grumpy Old Women co-writer Judith Holden, Eclair uses her inimitable wit and style to bring us good old nostalgia, some dodgy do’s and don’ts and a newly awakened purpose that could just help us to win the Eurovision Song Contest again.

Not only have we lost ourselves in mumbo-jumbo and tied ourselves up with red tape and EU gibberish, she despairs, we’re now floundering in debt and riddled with STDs.

The first step in our brave new world is the formation of the Don’t Be So Silly Party, run by 60 and 70 somethings – retired geography teachers, ex-headboys and girls, golf club captains and ‘really bossy dinner ladies’.

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Only that way will we get things done and it would be a kindness too, sparing them from spending their days taking stuff to the tip and writing letters to the council.

And just imagine what the golden oldies could do...keep children as children (forcing girls to wear smocked dresses and boys to wear long, grey shorts until the age of 18 would reduce the number of pregnancies in no time) and ban ageism (valuing middle-aged old bags far more highly than stupid but pretty girls).

Skinflints would be given fun things to do that don’t cost the earth...using your home as a gym (lots of stairs and a poor memory = nicely toned legs) and home economics lessons (buy a hen and get free eggs).

There is also invaluable advice on items to avoid in the supermarket if you want to save money (fabric conditioner and antibacterial wipes) and businesses you can set up at home (shoulder-to-cry-on service and fake granny visits).

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Gate-crashing can also have its rewards for those who are hard up; art galleries are best for free booze, engagement parties for canapés and school reunions for snogging.

The possibilities are endless...

So if you’re feeling weighed down by cutbacks and correctness, lighten up with this deliciously anarchic and entertaining little book. There’s a laugh on every page – guaranteed!

(Headline, hardback, £9.99)

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