Film review: Pudsey The Dog: The Movie

The sound of a pig repeatedly evacuating its bowels reverberates throughout Nick Moore’s ham-fisted attempt to transform Britain’s Got Talent’s performing pooch into a modern-day Lassie.

The porker’s muck is an apt critique for Paul Rose’s shambolic script that trades in toilet humour and misjudged innuendo.

Some performances also beggar belief including John Sessions as the pantomime villain in tweeds. He suffers the humiliation of a toe-curling flashback in which he plays a mother, father and infant in the same scene.

Elsewhere, David Walliams delivers a lifeless vocal performance as the four-legged hero, who hopes to travel the world and visit the Empire Sausage Building and Sausage Henge.

The film handily omits to mention that if Pudsey realises his dream of scampering along The Great Sausage Wall, he could potentially end up on a local menu.

Closer to home, stray dog Pudsey crosses paths with siblings Molly (Izzy Meikle-Small), George (Spike White) and Tommy (Malachy Knights), who are poised to move from London with their mother Gail (Jessica Hynes).

The eponymous mutt stows away in the family’s removal trailer and is discovered when they arrive at their new home in the sleepy village of Chuffington.

But sadly, the ramshackle plot is interrupted by pointless diversions including the central character’s incarceration in a secret dog prison that inspires a ludicrous Great Escape.

If this film were an animal, we’d put it down humanely after 10 minutes.